blah

That's how I feel today. I haven't been sleeping well because of my heartburn at night. Well I took some of my medicine today for my nausea and it knocked me out for 4 hours. That was after I actually slept last night. Now I just feel blahy. I really don't feel like doing anything at all. I think I'll just stay curled up in bed for awhile. I have no place to go. Besides Jason took my car to work today. There aren't even any dishes to do..Jason did them last night.. Not enough laundry....it's just one of those days. Which is fine with me. I did finally get ahold of one of my friends... I usually lose contact with her for acouple months here and there.
I can't wait to get my new battery for the camera! I love ebay. What's awesome is that it is brand new! I'm so excited for my ultra sound on the 3rd. I can't wait. Then we'll see how far I really am. What's crazy is that I think the cat knows that something is going on. She's been awfully lovey dovey with me the past few months. She always under my feet and has to be touching me wanting attention. She barely leaves my side until Jason gets home. She's so cute. Sometimes she acts like a dog. She runs back and forth between the windows looking out just like a dog does. We're probably going to be getting our dog in the next few months. Once we get a fence up. I can't wait till we get a fence up. No more random people in my backyard. Oh well. Back to my movie.

Good times...

I'm so freakin happy. I finally got to cut Jasons' hair last night. I went out and got some new clippers and cut his jungle mess of hair. He looks so much better. My interview went pretty good yesterday. I should know with in a week. I can't wait... I wanna be back in the pet environment. Pay isn't that great but then again, it's better than nothing! And it's like less than 10 minutes away! I'm so not ready for school to start. I am not happy about going to school in the morning... but I gotta do it. I just hope I get my money in time so I can buy my books. After I buy my books I should have a good 1,100. bucks left over that will be put to good use. At least I don't have to buy a stove now. I love our stove. I love that it's gas. Makes stuff cook so much better and faster. Can't beat a 50 dollar stove. And with in a few weeks we should have the fridge too. My family and I are going out for lunch today! They are picking my up around 1:30. I can't wait to get to ride in my aunts new car. It's looks pretty cool. My kitty gets her flea stuff today! I love having vet connections. I never have to pay for anything. So this is a totally random blog. I can't wait for my ultrasound on the 3rd. They have a brand new machine that takes pretty good pictures my doctor says. I can't wait. I still haven't gained any weight. I've actually lost some. It's amazing how my appetite has changed. I've been up since 8 and I'm still not hungry. I wasn't really hungry last night either. Oh well. I'm gonna eat a pop tart. Oh I need a hair cut. My hair looks like a horse's tail. It's pretty bad. It doesn't help that I ran out of conditioner several days ago... I have to have conditioner! Rumpkee needs to hurry up.

Christmas

Jason and I went to see my family today for Christmas. It went pretty well. We had a good dinner and sat around and talked for what seemed like forever. I had to get my prescription filled today for my nausea. I just couldn't take it anymore and with school starting soon I just went ahead and got it. That kind of made me a little drowsey. But it went away after awhile. Then we opened presents. Thats always fun with the kids. Jason and I both got some cool stuff. We got some gift cards an some clothes and some other stuff. Got a stereo system from my aunt. I got some cute pjs for when I start to get bigger.... my aunt gave us several bags of grocerys... random thing but hey it saves us money. I had to get a little shelving unit to put all of it on in the closet. And of course I got my third Pirtates movie to finish my collection which I am watching now. It was a really good day. We didn't leave my grandmas till 8. It was indeed a good day.

yay for me!

So last night was pretty dang good. I slept for like four hours and I barely coughed compared to the last few nights! I had my steamer running non stop last night and I think that it really helped. I put vicks steam stuff in it and that helped to breathe it in. I got it going again now, and I'm hoping that I finally got this under control and on it's way out the door. I'm drinking so much water to it's crazy. But I think that it's helping also. We woke up this morning and there wasn't a speck on snow on the ground...well Jason took my car to work anyways and I went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and the ground was covered in snow! I'm glad that he took my car to work. It's time to eat!

I love it....

So...we all know what I have bronchitis....ok yeah that is great. I cough really bad at night and it sucks. I don't sleep that well at night so lately once Jason leaves in the morning I go to bed. I stay up at night coughing and doing my thing and then sleep during the day. Well, I fell asleep around 6 this morning on the couch...next thing I know I wake up to bright lights in the window and I hear this loud crash sound. I look out my front window and there is a car that has just skidded through the front yard and is in the drive way facing away from the house with a busted back wheel and windows busted....Ok little crazy.... there was a guy getting ready to go to work and I guess he saw the whole thing. I thought that he hit a pole but I was looking this morning and you can see the skid marks on the road that lead up to the pole and into our yard but the glass is in the middle of the road away from the skid marks and where the car stopped..... So confusing. So we had the fire department and the police and a flat bed in our front yard till after 7 this morning. I just love this town...I've never seen more accidents in a town than here....

My first doctor appointment

So today was our first doctors appointment. It was exciting. I got some blood taken and I swear the nurse was trying to shove the needle up in my arm. I had to pee in a cup of course which we know is always a blast. We talked for awhile. And it was great having Jason there. He got to hear some things straight from the doctor which I think will help him out. Right now he's actually reading a baby journal that the nurses gave us a long with a bunch of other reading material. They estimate my due date July 1st. I have my first ultrasound early next month. It was an awesome expeirence today because we got to hear the baby's heart beat. The doctor was hesitant but wanted to try and first place he touched with the instrument you could hear it. It was awesome. I am so glad that Jason got to be there and listen to it. It was very exciting. We're still holding off on buying certain things. We're not setting anything up for awhile. Jason's mom is getting a crib for her house so when we go to visit we'll have something there and for when she babysits. She was pretty happy when I called her tonight. I'm glad that things are going well and hopefully they stay this way and only get better.

Turkey Day

Today was a good day. We went to my grandma's and had a good meal. It was my cousin's birthday also. My aunt told me today that I'm getting her crib, which is cool. If it's a girl I have plenty of clothes from my aunt and my manager. The less we have to buy at the start the better.
We finally settled with the insurance company so that's gonna put some money in my bank account. Which will be used to pay off bills and fix my credit. My other aunt is going to give me money for some new tires which I need badly. I was gonna work on my stereo system in my car but that will have to wait. Even though things are not the best, Jason and I are staying positive! We are happy and that's all that matters to us.
Today I talked with my mom for the first time in several years. She's excited that I'm pregnant. We talked about the baby and other stuff and it felt good. I used to be pretty close to her, and I think that we can re-build that relationship. One day I might have to turn to her for something and I don't want it to be because I have to, I want it to be because I can and want to. She's been trying to get me to forgive her for a long time and I'm done holding grudges. I'm willing to accept what has been and I'm ready to look at what may be. I'm not going to prevent my child from seeing her. My child didn't do anything to deserve that. It's between my mother and I. My sisters and I are working on our relationships and it's slow but it's getting better. We now talk and hug.
My family use to be so close but once my grandpa died we kinda drifted apart, but we come together when we need to. I love my family. They are the only family that I have. I'm glad that Jason is willing to participate with my family and visit with them. They talk to him like they've known him for years. I love Jason's mom. She has been nothing but kind and sweet to me. I see how much Jason cares about her and it shows in him that he was raised by a wonderful woman. That's my thought on it, and I really don't care what anyone else thinks about. It's no one else's life. It's mine and I'm happy and that's all that I care about.
Today was a good day. My grandma gave me some stuff for the house and something that was my grandpa's that he never got to finish. Hopefully Jason can work on it and finally finish. I told my grandma right after he died that I wanted it, but I didn't want it until I was ready and she gave it to me today. She gave us some cute little christmas things. She also gave us a bunch of leftovers......We have food for sure for awhile.
Anyways, that's my thoughtsy blog. I know that things are gonna get worse before they get better. I'm not stupid. I don't expect anything to be delivered to me on a silver platter. But we will work through our problems and everything will be good. So I'm gonna finish my apple pie now...

My fear?

So, almost all of my family knows that I'm pregnant. I told my grandma today and it was better than I thought. She was cool. I think she was a little excited. I can't wait till thanksgiving. I just found out today that my aunt is actually going to cook dinner and everything. Well mostly the turkey. My grandma can't cook it because she's allergic to it....So we were gonna just go out to eat, but we're cookin! I'm excited. I love thanksgiving. I get to see my sisters and my cousins which is always fun. I found out that my sister broke her foot... there is always something going on with her. I might be getting my aunts crib that was used for my cousins.. Maybe. Not sure yet. I told my family that I didn't want anything for the baby this Christmas because I'm not that far along yet and I don't want a bunch of stuff right now in case something happens.... Morning sickness....needs to go away. I hate it. But it's all good. My first appointment is December 3rd... it does kinda suck that I have to wait that long but because of the thanksgiving time and all, they're pretty booked up. Oh well!

Peanuts

So, my morning sickness isn't to bad now. I know how to control it now so it's pretty calm now. I get it in the morning and at night along with some heart burn. It doesn't bother to me much. I have how ever, become addicted to peanuts. Right now I'm eating a can of honey roasted peanuts. I eat peanut butter toast in the morning... oh yeah I'm addicted to easy mac too. It's crazy. I'm pretty sure that once this is over I'll never want easy mac or anything peanut wise. Oh well. It's fun. I'm glad that we have a house now with extra room. I'm so excited, Jason's mom's boss gave us our dinning room table and chairs. Now he is giving us a bedroom set. I guess it came from his dad who passed away. It's a really nice, real wood set. Heavy as hell too probably. I'm excited to get it. A frame and dresser and night stands and stuff. All for free. Very nice of him. He's a good guy. He's very nice, gave us a bunch of paint for the house for free too.
The thing that I like about winter is the time that we spend on the farm. Now that Jasons dirt bike is working, him and Andy are going to get Andy's motorcycle working they can start playing with the bikes and we'll have our fires and the guys do their drinking and golf stuff at night and it's a blast. Of course I won't be drinking. But it's still fun. Sitting in front of a huge fire that actually is allowed on the property and we don't have to worry about cops or anything. We have some wild times.
Thanksgiving is coming and I'm excited. It's one of my favorite times of the year. One of the few times my whole family gets together and we eat and we laugh and the kids play and we take pictures and have fun. The food is the best. Chicken and dumplings from my aunt, sweet potatoes from my grandma, green beans, and ham with cherry topping. It's so good. Then we sit around and watch tv and eat cake or something sweet. Christmas is almost the same except the girfts. It's gonna be more special this year because of Jason. He'll be attending both thanksgiving and christmas with me. Of course we'll see his mom too. I figured now that i'm expecting it's time to make up with my mom. i've pretty much forgiven her for the stuff that she has done, so it's time to move on. this is her grandchild and no matter what she has done to me in the past this child deserves to know it's grandmother on both sides of the family. It'll be all good. Oh well, all for now.

Good day

So, today we went to a place where Jason used to work. They want him back and he doesn't mind going back. We're just waiting for the final word and he can start back in a week I"m excited because he loved working there. It took them three days to get ahold of Jason. Then we ran out to Milford and visited mom. Jason worked on her car for awhile and replaced the brake pads. We talked for awhile. Gave me some great tips on morning sickness and some dos and don'ts. Pretty helpful actually. I think that I found my OB. My aunt went to him with her two kids.
She really liked him. Jason has come around alot and out of shock. Thats good, makes me feel better. I'm pretty happy.

Good news?

So the last few days I've been feeling pretty sick. I've skipped my last two periods. But had a pregnancy test two months ago.It was negative. So I went to the doctor today and sure enough.. I'm pregnant. It's a lot to take in. My first reaction was excitement. Now it's sinking in and reality will soon hit. It's all good. Nothing will change in life style until I'm about 6 or 7 months for equipment and stuff like that. I quit smoking a while ago which makes me happy. Jason has to take it on also. We haven't really talked about it yet. We still have plenty of time to talk about things and what is gonna happen. I'm still pretty excited. The morning sickness however is pretty bad. I've already missed two days of work. I don't want to know what is to come. It may get worse however my doctor says. great!

A friends death.

Posted Date: : Oct 14, 2007 12:45 PM

I just got an IM from some one who I went to school with and she notified me that some one we went to school with died. His funeral is tomorrow. I went to school with him for several years. I'm still in shock. I'm actually a little speechless. It's rumored that it was suicide but no one knows anything. Even though I really don't talk to the people that we hung out with much anymore, he was still a friend. I had so many good times with those friends. We used to have lunch together every day and most of the girls were in band with me. Most of us spent 6 years together. we had band everyday together for 6 years. Those years had some of the best memories. I will always remember our trips to Florida and all our competitions and the football games. It was a very good time. It's amazing how in a few seconds everything can change. It's crazy to think that several people that I grew up with have died, or they're in jail. It's crazy.

House Update!

Posted Date: : Oct 7, 2007 7:46 PM

So...the house....well it's getting there. We bought some flowers today and planted them oustide next to the house. They make it look so much better. Granted it was hard to plant them because of all the stupid little rocks that were in the dirt. We got it though. We planted them around the bird baths Jason's mom gave us. She's given us alot of stuff for the house which was pretty sweet of her. We were supposed to go visit her today but we got busy with yard work. We bought our first sprinkler today with our first water hose. It was cool to water our wanna be dying yard. We got some fertilizer and feed stuff for it also. I love my little flower garden. I'll take pictures sometime this week and post them. We also got some more fans for the house since it gets a tad bit warm in here. We finally got our phone working! I hate the fact that we had to get a new number but oh well.
Well, thats my update on the house. School is going great. I think that it's going to be a good quarter. I need to stay focused that is for sure on school. I can't afford to slip this quarter at all. I have a long way to go and I'm not about to start messing it up now.
For the most part my shingles are gone. They are mostly scabbed and are disappering. They itch though like crazy. But I'll be glad when they are gone for good. I now have a cold and my body is trying like hard to get better. My poor body doesn't know what to do, it's been through so much crap the last few months it's very confused and it's tired from fighting the infection from my root canal and from my shingles. I've been drinking dimetapp all afternoon. It's helping but I'm about to go through a box of tissues I think. Oh well. I think that is about it for now. I have homework to do!!

oy vey

So here is a recent update. I have shingles! They suck and I'm in super pain! It all started Thursday when my tooth started hurting from a root canal I was in the process of getting worked on. Well, my dentist called in some antibiotics and I picked them up Thursday night and started taking them. Well, Friday afternoon I started getting pelvic pain and I wasn't really too concerned with it. Later that night I started getting some red marks on my left side. Well, Saturday morning when I woke up the red marks had spread a little. Still I didn't pay too much attention to them because I thought that it was just a side affect. Well, I had to work Saturday and it was starting to really hurt to walk and sit and just be comfortable. I was starting to really get worried. I thought at first it was kidney stones. Well, Saturday morning Jason brings up the topic of a possible allergic reaction to the antibiotics. It made sense to me. Well, Sunday the marks turned into blotchy marks and the pain was starting to get unbearable. This morning when I woke up the blotches were from my belly button around to my spine on my left side. They were starting to become bubbly. The pain is very bad. I called my doctor and got into and she confirmed that I had shingles and now I'm restricted from work and classes for awhile until the rash dries up. I think that being off my feet and just resting will help me out. My doctor gave me some vicodin and some cortisone pills. Hopefully it clears up fast and I can get back to work soon.

Let's see what else...the house is almost ready to move into completely. We already started moving in some big stuff. As soon as we get the water turned on we will move the rest in and start staying there. I already have my chinchilla and my new birds there. A friend of ours sister died and we offered to take the birds and give them a new home. I can't wait to get my bird over there and see how she reacts to them. She hasn't been around a bird in several years since I got her from the bird show. I now have a new cockatiel and two little tiny parakeets to go along with my current cockatiel. I'm pretty excited about it. They can fly which kinda scares me. My bird can take flight but she can't stay up in the air that long. These birds fly circles above our heads for a while.

Well that's my update for now. I'm gonna get off here and watch some tv.

I hate mosquitoes

So here is an update. We should be moving soon. With in the next few weeks here. We have to be out of the apartment by the end of the month. I'm kinda nervous. A house is a big thing. It's something that Jason and I have never done before. We are moving into a house and fixing it up at the same time. We have come a long ways. We have even a longer way to go. I think that we are both strong. I do my best for him and I know that he does his best for me even though are times that I feel the opposite. But I do know that he cares. Some times things happen and my feelings are almost second guessed and I feel un easy about us. Then something happens and I know that we will be ok. I'm so happy that he is working for another company now. He can hopefully be treated with some respect. The house is coming along. I have some pictures. It's going to take a while but we will get things finished sooner or later. Some things will have to wait till next summer. I am very excited when it comes to thinking about all the room we'll have and the space that we will have with each other. Jason will have his basement and room for all his tools and toys and stuff. I'll get my office and we'll have our master bedroom. I'll have room for when my sister comes for her to have her own space and be able to chill on her own away from people. I know that its hard for her living with my other sister and mom and I know that its hectic for her. I can't wait for her to be able to come visit me.

well thats it for now.

A new attitude

Well I figured that I should post an update on things. It's been awhile since I have posted a blog so I thought that it was time.

First of all I hate my job. I can't wait to get out of where I am. The stuff that goes on isn't fair and it's bs. I already have my form to fill out and turn in my two weeks but I'm taking my time on what I have to say. I'm gonna have to type what I have to say. Never have I felt the way that I feel towards this place. It's pure hatred. I would rather be at some of the other places working with other people who I thought I couldn't stand to be working with anymore but not now that I am here. My other jobs are easy compared to this place. I can't wait till I get out.

Moving on I went down to Gatlinburg this past weekend with Jason. It was my first time ever being down there. I had a very fun time. The car ride down was fun. We camped out with our little tent and stuff. We grilled hamburgers and then fixed breakfast the next morning on a camping stove and grill. I had a lot of fun. We did some hiking, not a lot but just a little. One problem that we ran into was firewood. It didn't exist. We weren't about to pay to have a fire. So we ended up burning some old boots of Jason's that didn't fit anymore. I took lots of pictures. We found some old houses that no one lived in anymore and almost got caught in them. They were private property of the US government and no one is supossed to go in them. We had to run out of the back of the house and then down a hill and out of sight. It was fun. There are a lot of sights and stuff to do if your made of money. I took lots of pictures and I already have them up on my page.

Things with Jason are going pretty well. We both hate our jobs which sucks and we tend to take it out on each other more than we should. Hopefully we get this house soon and get to move and do some cool stuff with it and have some fun. We'll be closer to his sister which I can't wait for. Our relationship is going well and we're getting closer. She found out that she is pregnant which is awesome. I'm so happy because she saw her mom the other day for the first time in almost three years. Things are looking up for all of us I think.

I'm talking to my younger sister more now. We're emailing which is a start. Her visit down here was akward but familiar. She is my sister and growing up we weren't that close but now we are closer than I am with my other sister who was closer to me growing up. I'm glad that we are talking more now. She even said that she wants to come back and visit me again.

Well I think that is enough for now. I have to get up in the morning and go back to hell. I can't wait.

my life

Posted Date: : Aug 5, 2007 11:04 PM

so i thought that i should do an update. it's been awhile since i have posted. i have a lot of things going on right now. lot of things i'm not going to go into detail. we should hopefully be able to start moving next month. in the next week or so i'm gonna start my job hunting near the area of the house. i can't wait to get out of this area. i got my car back. i love having it back. my sister came to visit me for a couple days. that was ok. hadn't seen her in awhile. work really has become a problem for me. i won't be there much longer. of course i have some personal issues going on. oh well. i just want to be left alone at work. i'm in the mood where i really do need to be left alone for awhile and no i don't want to explain it.

Ih ish!

dude, I swear if my car gets broken into one more freaking time...Both my car and Jason's car was broken into acouple weeks ago and they took his wallet and his radar detector.. ok fine. My car door was left open and that was it. Well..a couple days ago the rental car that I'm driving was broken into. They made off with Jason's 200 electric saw... I'm pissed. Oh well. We won't be here much longer....

so today was pretty sad.. today was George's last day....our georgey is gone... we threw him a surprise party and cake. we got him balloons and a cute little picture frame with a picture of all of us girls. we also took him out to breakfast which was fun. it was emotional..... then I went and bought new shoes...

I'm excited we may go bowling tomorrow....i'm excited. then i'm doing some layin out this weekend and just relaxing. I'm tired as heck and I am so glad I have a day off!!! heck i'm glad that i have the whole weekend off!!!! oh well enough for now!

A new chapter

So I feel as if a new chapter has opened up in my life. New people. New adventures and new feelings. I feel as if this is a new begining to something old. Things are looking up and going good. I'm getting my car fixed, I'm still in school and doing ok. I saw my family and got to spend some time with them and I got to meet some more members of Jason's family finally which really made me happy. Of course he makes me happy. My new kitty makes me happy. She's so sweet, and loveable. I gave her her first bath today and it was fun. She wasn't as bad as I thought she would be. She loves her treats and she knows how to make me give in and give them to her all the time which is gonna make her fat! Work is ok. I'm still not liking it like I should be. I'm probably going to get a paycut come august but oh well. There are still some people who I have issues with and probably always will. Some people just need to grow up and face reality and grow some balls. Other times they need to just keep their mouth shut and learn when not to argue like a immature little child. Anyways, things are looking up. I'm pretty happy, and I'm hoping that they only get better.

alrighty people....here's whats goin on

So...I've been busy. I can say that I'm getting my car fixed! That is huge news. They said that it only looks bad but's really not. I lucked out with where the truck hit my car. If it had hit lower, it would have done more damage to the frame and it would have been more... Let's see what else....I actually got to get together with some people from work the other night, and there were a few new faces at our thursday night out at IHOP. It was fun. We were there till way after 11... but we had fun. I had alot of fun. Last night Jason and I went out to eat for the first time in awhile and it wasn't a fast food place, we went to ruby tuesdays and had a great dinner. We went shopping and did some walking around. We ended up at petsmart, and we went to see the cats in the adoption center and we fell in love with one. We ended up adopting her! We've named her Sox. I'll put up some pictures of her when I'm done writing this and you can see how cute she is. She is very calm. So far she could care less about chomper.. we're hoping that we don't need to buy him a bigger cage and keep him locked up only because he's had the run around and the freedom of being able to walk around and stuff. Sox just sits and stares. She loves the window. Over all she is a very sweet cat. I'm very happy with her and the fact that Jason agreed to get her. Ah..things are looking up I think and I'm getting things under control with bills and school and all that good stuff. Well that's my update for now!

car accident

As some of you may know I was in a car accident yesterday. I'm fine, I'm very sore however around my neck and my back. I did have to go to the hospital and get xrays but they were ok. My car on the other hand, isn't ok. We may not be able to save it only because the total cost of the car may be less than what it's going to cost to fix it. The guy who hit us does have insurance and hopefully everything will work out in the end. The guy who hit us of course was driving a truck....not a scratch on his truck....oh well. We're okay and that's what matters. I will post a few pictures. It seems way worse in person than it does on the screen.

Lake

Well this past week was fun. We went to Joyce park and walked around and had some fun exploring. We raced the little race car of Jason's around and had fun watching him run it into things and eventually breaking it. That was fun. Today we went to Brookeville Indiana. We went fishing and I ended up swimming in the lake in my clothes. That was fun. We also went to the farm and I washed my car but I made it all spotty. I got sunburned. Jason got really sunburned. I have pictures of Brookeville and the lake. I had a cool butterfly land on my shoe. We also saw a water snake and a turtle but I didn't get any pictures of the turtle. All in all it was great. I have a family picnic tomorrow. That should be fun.

My weekend

So this weekend was the best. First of all, I didn't have to work, second Jason was off also. Friday we went to Kentucky exploring new places to go and fish and hike and stuff. We ended up finding a cool little place to fish. We had fun. We ended up going to the casino Friday night. We lost some money but it's ok, we had a blast because it was my first time ever being in a casino. Saturday Jason ended up buying a new race car. We went to the farm and spent the whole day there. It was so nice and peaceful. I got a little sunburned. But that's ok. More to come. Saturday night, Mary and I and Michelle went to Angies party. We had a blast. We played corn hole and got to hang out with people we work with for once with out getting in trouble. That was fun. The guys came and Sarah came. I knew some people from Angie's group already which made me feel better about knowing people. I had a little to drink only because I had to drive... the music was good. We had fun. We made fun of Michelle alot, which was fun because she has a good heart about it and is cool like that. We had a blast.

to be happy

I sit here and I listen to the washing machine spin, and the dish washer rinse. I watch my bird as she gives herself a bath. Out the window I see a family of ducks invading the court yard and slowly pushing the loud annoying kids off the swings and back to riding their bikes in the parking lot. I feel the cool breeze through the open patio door along with the sweet smell of fresh cut grass. I feel at peace with myself. I feel very happy and pleasant. I'm doing well in my hardest class. I realized that I am much happier when I cut out those things that depress me or bring me down or change my mood in any way that doesn't make me happy. I barely drink now. I prefer to have a clear head on my shoulders. There are a few people who I no longer talk to now and few who I haven't talked to in awhile, I'm talking to again. I've decided that everyone has problems, but I'm not the person to fix them. I'm sorry if you have relationship problems. I can't fix it. If your not willing to try on your own and fix them well then you may deserve what you get. Just because your depressed doesn't mean you have to make me depressed. I am happy. I live with some one who is willing to take care of me. Willing to spend his money on me, and take me places. He takes care of my animals. He loves my bird. He also loves my chinchilla. I never thought of him to be much of an animal man except maybe dogs and cats. He buys me games for the play station and buys me movies. He fixes my car and buys stuff for it. He really does take care of me. I'm lucky to have him.

A blur in time.

So..this past weekend was fun. Friday night I went shopping with Angie and got some cute stuff. We were gonna go to the club but her friend bailed. Which by the way sucked. Instead I went to the farm and visited Sunshine, which was cool. Gave me a reason to get out of the apartment and actually talk to someone. I got home pretty late. I had to be at work early the next morning which sucked...saturday night I ended up going to Dave and Busters with Angie, Kemeisha, Mary, Justin and Sunshine. That was fun. Did some racing. We didn't have much time though because they had an after prom.. Oh well. Sunday I came home and slept and caught up on homework which I am still not done with. Today I worked, the power went out for awhile at work which was pretty cool. I did alot at work today but knowing people there it'll be changed when I go in. I'm so tired. I have a headache that won't go away....Oh well... time for bed...

this is how we roll

So I'm much better now. I feel back to myself. This has been a busy week so far and it only plans on getting busier. Worked Monday and had class, Tuesday I had to work and we went to Kettering to walk along the river, and got back late. Wednesday I had class twice plus mass cleaning. Today I worked all day and went to the movies with Mary and Kemeisha. We had fun. Tomorrow I work and then to the club with Angie and then Saturday I work all day and then to Dave and Busters with the gang from work. Then Sunday I work all day and hopefully I can get my art stuff done for the time I missed from being sick. Well just an update....

A night out

So this week has been interesting. My bronchitis is finally cleared up. I can finally breathe a bit better. Things between Jason and I are pretty good. Even though we've had our tiffs this week, we're good. Him working at night has really put a bind on us, but it shows that we do have strength. Anyways, last night Angela convinced me to go to dinner with her at Jollys in Fairfeild, which was good. Then we met up with her friend Nicole who is pretty cool, and we went to Coldstone for some ice cream which was the bomb. Then we went to the movies and saw music and lyrics which was so cute. I had such a good time, and it felt so good to get out and do stuff now that I feel better. I can't wait till this next weekend. We're going dancing!

yuck

Well, here's an update...I have bronchitis...yeah it sucks. The other night I got these really bad pains in my sides and it hurt to breathe. The next day was worse. I ended up leaving work to go to the er because it hurt so bad. My dearest friend who is the awesomest picked me up from work and took me to the er and waited for me! I got some xrays taken and nothing to serious...it hurts though still pretty bad. The doctor put me on vicodin and some anti-biotic. He also gave me a work note for a couple days off. That really has helped, just being able to relax.
One thing that I have learned...Jason and I are so non-emotional with each other. He's not into the personal, lovey, cute stuff. He's more about making money than anything. It's like he doesn't even need me. I'm not sure if he even wants me. We get frustrated with each other so easily. Just like this morning....and now we're not talking because I have nothing to say, he yelled at me over something stupid and he never apologizes. Oh well.

My sunday drive

So yesterday we decided to go to Indiana to see the sand dunes. they were pretty cool. we walked along the beach and through some wooded areas and around the sand. had a blast. i was able to put my hands in the water of lake Michigan for the very first time. it was so cold! we could see chicago from the shore. so we decided to drive to Chicago. I'd never been and we got there with the sun setting and all the city lights on and it was pretty cool. I posted new pictures from the trip. i had so much fun. it was nice being able to spend time with Jason on our days off. hopefully next month we're going to try to get up to Canada and do some sight seeing. I can't wait!

First Day!

tomorrow is my first day of classes and i can't wait!!! ?
this is such a big deal for me. i can't believe that i have made it this far. i never thought that i would get through the financial aid stuff since no one really helped me. i'm pretty excited to start. things are going pretty well. i'm happy. i love my new computer. it's so fast and smooth. i can take anywhere in the apartment and use it and i have the internet! yay me. okay anyways.... so a girl got fired at work. pretty crazy. lots of drama at work with people stealing and stuff. they tell me that at the rate that i am going i will be getting a 15% raise in may...if i make it that long....i am trying to hold out... i may be dropping down to part time..i'm not sure...now that jason will be bringing home about 1300 a week we'll be fine. i need to start saving again anyways. when i get my raise i'll be close to 10 an hour....
I'm hoping that Jasons new job works out...i'm gonna have to get use to him not being here at night. thats gonna be hard. i'll come home to an empty apartment but i'll wake up to him. in a couple months we're taking our first vacation together if all goes right. i can't wait. things are going so well for us. i'm happy. i'm off my medicine and i'm positive. i don't look for the negatives anymore. i dont want to. i'm starting to eat better and now that its summer we'll be going out to the farm more and doing more stuff, we went out tonight. it's so peaceful out there. i love it out there. andy and his mom are coming into town next weekend which will be fun. well i should be getting to bed...i have to get up early and go to work and then off to class!!!

dreams

Dreams are a reflection of our world, what is, what was and what will be. We see other reality's, other times, other selves, we are not born just once but many and our shadows prevail us. We walk these worlds with out realizing we are among others and yet we are alone. Danger comes when we become too embodied to flesh in our dreams, Pain in these dreams equals pain in waking and death, you may never wake again. Dreams are where our demons lay, and angles of our salvation pray, and souls hang in the balance.

Chat with a friend

Posted Date: : Mar 19, 2007 6:41 AM

This weekend was awesome. I was off! Yay. Okay anyways Friday I had to work, boo. Saturday I had my job interview and that went really good. Jason and I went out and went shopping and spent some time together. That was cool. I met Katie for dinner after she got off work at petsmart and we went to Fridays. That was nice. We were there for almost two hours I think. That was fun and enjoyable. Sunday I went to the Louisville dog show with my aunt and picked up the new dog that she got to give her other doggy a friend. We had one put down Christmas. But this dog is like the one we have. I'll post pictures of her later! I have to go to work now...I hope that I get this job because it would still give me full time hours but I would have more free time! And My weekends back....we're already starting to do stuff at the farm...it's that time again.

My IHOP adventure

So...I went to IHOP tonight for like the first time ever....I know...I'm slow... I had a bunch of fun. Mary and Kemisha were my two gals that I went with. They crack me up. We have so much fun at work together. Around them, all you do is laugh. You can't help but laugh. We were there for like an hour and Miss Mary who works for another IHOP I mind you, was picky about everything.... All in good love though.... It was fun being able to sit down and just laugh for while.

Angela keeps bugging me to go to Metropolis with her tomorrow night but I think Andy is going to be in town and I would like to spend some time with Jason and it would be cool to see Andy also. We may end up going bowling or something. We might even end up at Erica's making a bon-fire or something... who knows! I really should get to sleep...But I'm not really tired. I have to open tomorrow....then Saturday is our prom event and I finally picked out a dress...it's a bright dreen lime kinda neon at the top and darker at the bottom... it's strapless and I like it... I look like a glow stick....but oh well. I still have to pick out shoes... I'm thinking silver.... I'm not sure....But I'm so taking my flip flops....

I wanna be...

Posted Date: : Mar 7, 2007 12:25 PM

Over the past few years I have come to realize some things... Everything changes...that's the one thing that doesn't change... People change. They can change just as fast as the weather changes. They may seem to be the person you know on the outside but totally different on the inside. I've really come to figure that out with some of my friends. They seem to want to be there and in your life and then all of a sudden they're not. That's just what happens. It's life. I'm not going to be the person I am now in 5 years from now, I'll be different, hopefully more mature with whatever happens in those 5 years. I'm more mature now then I was 5 years ago. We change and there's no stopping it. What I have come to figure out, is that I am going some place. Both Jason and I are going places. Jason is hopefully getting a better job here...we'll know soon! I'm getting into school, I'm making more money, and I am really rediscovering my dreams. I'm happy. I'm happy with where I am but I want to do more. I'm not going to sit around and wait for those who don't want to be around me to catch up. If you wanna be in my life then ok, but I'm not fighting for a friendship that goes both ways and I only see one side....But your no where to be seen. It hurts and it makes me angry. I'm not going to sit around at home and do nothing. I'm going to go out with people and have fun. This summer I am going to be so busy...between working full time, school, and helping out at Erica's and spending time with Jason and other friends. I can't wait. I want to be busy and full of hope that things are going to stay positive in my life. There are so many more things to life than just sex and money, and I've learned that in my life, more so since I got with Jason. Basically I think it's time for me to cut my strings loose, and just go all out and let no one or anything stop me. I don't have the time to wait for others, who would rather be left behind. Yes, this is directed towards several people. Not the whole thing, just parts here and there towards different people. But hey it's a blog and I have that right to vent my feelings towrads my so called friends don't I?

Good feeling

So today I felt pretty good when Jason calls me while at work and says that he needed some one to talk too. He woke me up first of all but I didn't mind. He said that he just needed some one to talk to because he was trying not to just quit and walk out. It made me feel pretty damn good to hear him say he needed to talk and he calls me. I felt good. Things are going very well and I'm so happy. He's getting better with asking me how I am and if I seem mad he asks me now gently and he seems concerned with me. I'm so happy!!

Love shopping

So today I went shopping with Jason. Met up with Angie and I got away with so much stuff so cheap....First off I got my Nautica Comforter that was 160.00 for 42.00. I got some clothes for like 4 bucks each... I got a 12 piece baking dish set that was like 25.00 for 10.50, I got a new toaster, and a new knife set all for under 100.00 bucks. It was so nice. I love the comforter. It's so nice and comfy and soft. We had a blast. Angie and Jason get along pretty well which is cool. I can't wait for the home and garden show to start so we can go visit her Jason at his booth and see the tanks that he made. Today was cool except for the flat tire that Jason has on his car.... oh well I"m off from work tomorrow so he can take my car. Oh well! All for now! I have some new pictures up too...

I should be a cop!

So today at work....I got to help with catching people who were stealing. Two chicks and two guys plus a little kid. The two guys tried to distract Mary and I while the girls were trying on clothes. Well they had on some huge coats and some huge purses... the one chick was caught with a pair of Baby Phat capris and a shirt and some other stuff from another department. So needless to say, she's in jail tonight. Our department use to carry verl expensize stuff like that and then we got it taken away because people were stealing it. So we have most of it already wired and locked but the stuff that she took had a security tag on it which they managed to get off. But she's in jail and that's all that matters. I love my job. I worked from 9:20 to 9:15 today. Some one called off today and Mary was the only closing person and I couldn't do that to her so I stayed and helped out with moving some product around and redoing some stuff since our buyers came in today. They weren't to impressedl But that's not really our fault.. We can't really get the help that we need. The managers don't want anything to do with our department because it's a mess.... so whatever. But that's my daily update!

Shopping is good for the soul!

So tomorrow is my day off. Thank god. I'm going shopping too. We get an extra 40% off of already marked down stuff. I have this cute comforter on hold by Nautica. It's stripes of different shades of blue and some white and it's like 160.00 bucks normally and it's been marked down to 80.00 and then plus my discounts I get it for like 40 bucks. It's a full/queen so when we get our queen it'll fit good. I'm excited. I have some cute clothes on hold already that will be pretty cheap after everything is done! I'm going in on my day off to shop. I'm going to enjoy myself too. We make look at some home stuff too. We need a new toaster and maybe a hand mixer.... I'm so excited. I like making money and actually being able to spend it!

I should be a hair stylist

So yesterday I cut Jason's hair. Brand new clippers, brand new blade and everything. I was so nervous....I have shaved down dogs before but not my boyfriends head. I think that I did a pretty good job. It's super short like a military cut short.... He looks pretty good. He'll walk around in public so it must not be that bad looking! Then he decided to get rid of the facial hair....it's all gone... but it'll be back. He seriously looks like 10 years younger and I'm loving it. That's my baby boy!

Dancing!

So the other night Angie a girl from work drug me out dancing with her and her friend Nicole. We went to Metropolis. It was ladies night and we had so much fun. I didn't really feel like going at first and I used the excuse that I didn't have anything to wear and she took care of that...she bought me the cutest little tank. It's kinda dressy and it was on clearance for like 7 bucks. We got there around 10 and didn't leave till after one...We had a lot of fun dancng and singing and of course there were guys. One kept trying to dance with me but he never got the hint when Nicole would pull me away and he just kept on trying. He wasn't even that cute. It was so much fun.

Last night we went out with a girl that we work with named Mary, we went and just chilled at Fridays. It was nice to be able to sit down with people and a nice anf fun conversation. I enjoyed myself and the food. They're two great great chicks!

Fast is a good thing

I finally got high speed internet.... Well Jason did. I love it. I can do all kinds of stuff now. I'm trying to blog and I have three people trying to talk to me. I talked to an old friend today and it felt like old times... it was so nice to talk to her and laugh like we used to. Andy came over to visit Jason and I had her on speaker phone and they were laughing at us. It was so nice. I was so worried about her though. She just kinda disapeared though for awhile and I was worried about her because of the kids. But she was just in jail for awhile and I was worried about nothing. We talked for awhile. About old times too. I wish that she would move closer.

I was laying in bed tonight and I realized how lucky I am. I'm lucky because I am with some one who I care so much about. Sometimes I just like to lay there and watch him sleep and I can't help but smile. He takes care of me when I need it. Sometimes I think I need it more than he does, but if I just think about it, I really don't. He helps me plan for the future and helps me stay sane. He doens't fight with me like others from my past do. He sees no point in it. I'm glad that he doesn't and I'm slowly learning. But things are so good right now!

I have the right to not be silent

Well....Let's see. Today was interesting. First off, I went to work at 8:30 instead of 9:45... With nothing to do for over an hour I talked with George and some other guys that work at the store while they fixed an elevator. That was fun. Then I realized how messy the fitting rooms were and it took over 4 hour to put everything away. That was even more fun. Then, I went to another area which is still in my department and covered that are while the girl went on her lunch and that area was messy. It took me the whole hour she was gone to just get everything off of the floor. She had an attitude and I hate working with her. I made my goal today by 88 bucks. I get to start the week out positive. Thats a good thing. My feet started killing me. It was non stop today. The tv was messed up. Took three people to figure out what was wrong with it. Then I had a customer call and complain that she was sent the wrong dress and I was the one who did her phone order to begin with and the ticket on her dress was wrong so she got the wrong size. That made me feel excellent. I really didn't want to be at work by the end of my shift. We ran out of ones in two of the three registers in our department so I went to get change and was told that I couldn't get the ones because they were almost out. Ok...so I went to the 3rd register and got some ones and Lucy got pissed.....this is the same girl who's area I covered while she went to lunch. She was upset because she doesn't like it when people work on her register which really isn't hers because we are supossed to rotate but she refuses. She made me even more angry and I ended up going off on her because she pretends that she doesn't understand when I know that she does. I was ready to cry by this point in time. Then I call home to see what was for dinner and he was already making it and I still had an hour to go before I got off work. That made me sad because I really just wanted to sit down and eat with him. But when I got home I ate and we curled up on the couch and watched saw 3. I enjoy times like that. Of course my body is so sore from yesterday and I can't really move that well. I love spending time with when we're both all there and in good moods and are happy with each other. I cam home and I was upset because my car started acting up on the way home and I almost got run off the road by a semi and I realized that that sweater that I just bought on Saturday had a hole in it. Today sucked but in the end it was ok. I try to stay around the people who make me laugh. Today it was hard though because some people leave early and some people weren't there. Here's the latest rumors from work..
I'm dating both George and Justin
I'm a redneck..
Angie and I are dating and are both bi...
I'm dating Mark and Carl at the same time....

I love work.....the stuff that happened today is the type of stuff that make me want to not work there. But there are so many nice and funny people that I love being around that it works out in the end. I hope that the negative stuff doens't out weigh the positive.

Playing in the snow.

Today was pretty fun. I went to Red River Gorge with Jason and Val-val and her man. Even though I am so out of shape and I have to stop like every 5 feet and slow everyone down....I love it. I had fun hiking out site in the snow and enjoying the view. I love doing things like that with Jason. He loves being outside and doing stuff. I feel so much more connected when we do stuff like that with him. We have fun. I enjoyed spending time with Val-val and Rob. It's been awhile since we've done anything like this. I have some pictures that I'll upload soon. Our internet is kinda slow right now because we went with dial up until we get the equipment for our high speed. Jason and I got our first picture taken today which meant alot to me. I want a picture of us just because he is so important to me. Well, that's all for now. I need to get in the shower and to bed. My butt is still numb from my pants being wet. I did a lot of sliding down cute little hills. I'll be feeling it tomorrow.

I think...

I think that things are going to be okay. Things with Jason are awesome. They are like they used to be in the begining. We're happy. We're comunicating. There are things that we both have to work out on our own but we are doing it. I finally got a job! it's at Dillards in the Jrs. department. It's a full time postion and I start out at 9 an hour with a chance of a 10% raise not to far away in the future. I'm going to be busy...once I start school. I think I'm only going to be able to take one class now. Well maybe two but it's going to be hard to fit them in because I have to work in the afternoons and take my classes in the mornings. But I'm pretty sure that I can manage. I'm just excited that I finally got a job. Things are looking up. Even though I haven't been feeling well the past couple days, I feel good today. We have so many plans that we are looking forward to doing. Summer is going to be even more crazy. Only because I have the horse shows and such and I want to go because I have so much fun there. That's all on the weekends though. So hopefully I can get to have some fun. My other problem is when do I get to see Jason....He leaves the apartment at 4:30 in the morning and gets home around 1-2ish. When I start school I'll be leaving after he does but then I won't be getting home till late and he goes to bed when I'll be getting off work or soon to be getting off work. Oh well. I need the money. He is looking for another job also. Oh well. Thats just a little update in my life so far. Things are going pretty good!

er...

Well...I'm starting to become very clingy to Jason. I'm not sure why...But I'm becomming extremely clingy... I have to be with him all the time and cuddly and stuff... I'm really starting to fall hard for him which I never expected to do...Yeah we live together but I never thought that I would fall for him like this... I am and I'm falling fast. I'm affraid though that I may be falling to fast but I'm not sure yet how to slow down. Yesterday was awesome between us. It was different almost...better more powerful.. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it's just me and ya'll know I get alittle crazy somtimes. I'm trying to play this one by the book...but the problem is I can't find that dang book...I'm really feelin for him...maybe some love? I never thought that I would ever say that...We'll see what happens this summer and if I still feel like this...

It's killing me

I can hear the alarm going off
I hear you get up and turn it off
It's the start of your day
I hear you moving around
Not even trying to be quiet
I lay there
I think how long it's take me to get back to sleep
I hear you pack your lunch in your cooler
You fix your breakfast
Your dressed and ready to go
You have your coffee
You have your smokes
You grab your phone
You walk out the door

Your missing something though
You just don't know it
Maybe you've forgotten
Maybe you just don't care

Did you know that your girlfriend is awake?
She's wondering if maybe today will be the day you don't forget.
Did you know she cries when you leave?

What I miss the most is your kiss goodbye.

The true colors?

Posted Date: : Jan 2, 2007 10:15 AM

Well....we're almost done moving. Just a few more things. I need for it to be over. Moving depresses me. Right now, alot of things are depressing me but the moving is what got it started. Hopefully once the moving is done and over with for good I'll return to myself. This happened when I moved a little while ago. Just as I was getting back to normal we pick up and move. Oh well. I like where I am right now. I like being around people instead of out in the middle of no where. And the fact that I am closer to Val Val is awesome.

There's been a lot of tension between Jason and I. He's this way with his family and me. He's very upfront with who he is. But there are things that he says that upsets me. I slept on the couch last night. I just didn't feel like getting up and going to bed. I just didn't care. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. I'll never know. Oh well.

I haven't worked in almost a week. They don't need me. Hopefully I can start working at the clinic soon. I can't wait. It's going to be fun I think. I really want to be in the enviroment that I am going to be working in. I can't wait. Okay. I think that this is enough for now. I feel like I should be at home unloading my car so that I can go to the apartment and get the few items that are left. But I don't feel like it.