I don't know what mood I'm in right now. I want to cry but I want to scream. I want to curl up in a little ball but at the same time I want to run. I want to run away and never return to this place where I feel so uncomfortable. I can't sit still, but yet I want to lie down and go to sleep. I push and I push until there is nothing left to push. I back away until I drown. I give and I give and I give only to get nothing in return...not even a simple phone call....I'm tired but yet I am wide a wake. I am so confused but yet I want to fight. I want to yell at you. I want to tell you how I really feel but yet come morning I'll regret for those feelings that I feel now will no longer exist. I want to lie in your arms at night and feel protected for once in my stupid miserable pathedic life...but you don't cuddle. I would love to hear your voice right now, but you don't call. I feel my self slowly losing energy that I so desperately need these days to just wake up. My eyes open every morning and maybe once my dream will come true...I'll no longer be here. I'll be where I should be right now...far far away from here. Maybe one day I'll find what I am so desperately looking for. For I am not finding it here. I am from what it seems looking in the wrong place with the wrong people. I see the smiling faces, but yet I feel as if their eyes are full of hate and despair.. full of back stabbing and lies. False sense of caring. False people. I'm tired of the fakes. I'm tired of the if you need anything call me bull shit that I put up with every day of my life. Some times I want people to leave me alone. Other times those who leave me alone the most seem so far away I get scared that they'll drift away so far they won't come back. They say if you set it free and it's meant to be it'll come back...that's a bunch of bull. Life these days is a bunch of bull.
