I can say that this journey scares me. This is a journey for April and myself and of course those around us. I noticed a few changes in her behavior a while back and figured that it had to do with all the changes. She started school and wasn't doing to good. I noticed her attention was horrible. After the meltdowns started I knew something was up. We're still going through the meltdowns, some days worse than others. But now we're on the lying. She lies, and then proceeds to think that it's funny. She doesn't like being told what to do and if you push the issue too much you get a meltdown.
I'm emotionally drained. I feel horrible as a parent knowing that I can't do much for her right now because I have no idea what to do. I made an appointment after enough procrastination and hopefully we can get some help. She struggles with her attention span big time. Obviously there is some ADD going on, but possibly some ODD. It's scary. She's the one who is loud in the restaurant and will flip out on me and start screaming. Of course everyone has to look and stare. I hate it. I try my best to keep her calm and quiet. It doesn't always work. She's going through the not listening stage. It drive me nuts. Half the time I want to just scream at her. I want to cry and just give up. But, I know that it has to bother her. She's made comments before about not liking how she acts. There are times where she just blurts out the most random things. She can't stop and listen. She has to almost finish everything she wants to say first, and then will acknowledge that I want to say something.
Some say that oh it's just a stage, or it her age. Be firm, stop it now. Well, it's not that easy. Yelling makes her scream louder, ignoring her makes her more repetitive, talking to her makes her more frustrated. This child will throw herself on the ground and literally have a meltdown, with the kicking and the screaming.
Getting dressed is a nightmare. I dread that part of the day... every single day. Seeing some OCD tendencies in this child. She will only wear certain shirts, and certain pants. The shirts have to fit a certain way or yet again, meltdown. The pants have to fit a certain way, or again meltdown. The socks are the worst. They can't have the lines or she screams. This child would wear the same outfit literally every single day if I let her. I have to hold her down sometimes to peel off her socks.
She's mean too. Not all the time. But she's starting to mean and then of course blames others when they no longer want anything to do with her. She's full of anger from not having her dad around and of course she's taking it out on others. She's pushed a few times, pinched a few times, and spit. When I hear these things, it makes me sad. It makes wonder what I did wrong. Could I have done something different? I don't know. All I know is that this child needs help. I need help to deal and help her. I do have a good support team who understands that something is going on and we all want to find out what is going on with her.
I am excited for her doctors appointment and yet scared at the same time. I want a healthy normal child. But, is there such a thing a normal child these days? I know that I don't feel normal. How can I expect my child to be normal if I don't feel normal?
