I think that I am ok. I know this sounds strange. But last night I was laying in bed and the look that Jason gave me was undescribeable. There was so much said with out any words. He takes care of me. God knows I need it. He got me this little cute wooden jewelry dresser like thing. I've always wanted one. He came home with it last night and I thought that I was going to start crying. It was so pretty. He always makes sure that I'm happy. he holds me when I need it. He even watches the love and romantic mushy movies I like. He works on my car. He does what he can to help me. He's not perfect. Neither am I. He even wants to drive up to Dayton on xmas to see me with my family. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that because honestly i have never been with a guy who has ever wanted to meet my family. I guess they have always looked at me and thought if I'm this messed up imagine what my family could be like and they refuse to see them or even try to get to know them. I am very happy. The only thing that I am struggling with right now is the balance between him and my friends. I have to keep my friend in my life. I'm not about to throw them to the side. I need them in my life and I need their support. I'm not use to living with a guy. This is so new for me. But I can manage. Yeah he doesn't like to clean, or do dishes, or do laundry, or cook, or any of that.... but I don't mind doing it. He loves my chinchilla. That makes me happy. He always talks to her when he walks by her cage. He interacts with my bird. No one in the past ever did that. They could care less about them.
We were at the pet store the other day and I saw a macaw. I really wanted when I first started working them and that dream of owning something so beautiful and unique came back to me. I couldn't walk away. I love those birds. I told Jason and he didn't dismiss it. He knows I want one. Maybe one day. Oh well. I do miss my internet, and the land line. But it's okay. I can check my mail and stuff when I'm near the library. I can use his phone since he has unlimited minutes and such. Things are okay. I will survive if I stay positive, that's the key. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes its very hard. But I know in my heart that things will get better. It may be hard for a while but that's life. I know that things could be worse. I know. And they may get worse before they get better. As Jason always says it won't happen over night. Do I love him? I don't know. Could I ever love him? Yes. He may not be the one. I don't know. He get along more than I ever thought that we would. I may have lost a friend in the process but maybe she wasn't my friend to begin with. I don't know. I may never know. Okay..this is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I have some job hunting to do....
We were at the pet store the other day and I saw a macaw. I really wanted when I first started working them and that dream of owning something so beautiful and unique came back to me. I couldn't walk away. I love those birds. I told Jason and he didn't dismiss it. He knows I want one. Maybe one day. Oh well. I do miss my internet, and the land line. But it's okay. I can check my mail and stuff when I'm near the library. I can use his phone since he has unlimited minutes and such. Things are okay. I will survive if I stay positive, that's the key. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes its very hard. But I know in my heart that things will get better. It may be hard for a while but that's life. I know that things could be worse. I know. And they may get worse before they get better. As Jason always says it won't happen over night. Do I love him? I don't know. Could I ever love him? Yes. He may not be the one. I don't know. He get along more than I ever thought that we would. I may have lost a friend in the process but maybe she wasn't my friend to begin with. I don't know. I may never know. Okay..this is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I have some job hunting to do....
