okaydokey

Well...it's the day after Christmas. This year things were really good. Christmas was pretty good with the family. No fighting. My mom and I kinda spoke not really...but we didn't totally ignore each other. I got some cute things. I got some money and some gift cards which are almost gone. But things went well. We're still waiting to hear about the apartment. They're waiting for job clarification for Jason and that's it. We could alreayd be moved in right now if it weren't taking forever. We're hoping to get the keys today and do a little moving. But I'm not seeing that happening right now. It's almost 2 and I have to be back at work tonight at 8. Val-Val doesn't get off work till 3..but it does us no good if we have no keys. Tomorrow we're both off...but I have to go to the vet to put my dog down. Maybe I can con Val-Val into going with me for support. It's gonna be hard....she's like 16. But she can barely walk... she still plays every once in awhile but she just can't get around like she used to. My aunt told me that I could have her dog collar and I'm going to hang it from my mirror in my car so that I can always be reminded of her when I look at it. It's gonna be tough...I was supossed to work tomorrow but I told work about my dog and I got the day off. I don't really wanna go into work after doing that and I would rather try to move to when I'm that upset because I can hopefully put that anger towards some good use and more stuff done. I'm going to miss her so much. Another reason why I wanna go there tomorrow is because I'm going to try to get a job. He has known me and my aunt for years. He told her that anytime I needed a job he would have one and now that I need one I am hoping that he will come true on his word because I really really need one. I can't pay my bills with what I am making right now. Jason can't pay for everything. It's not fair. I need to be able to help him out with what I can but it's going to take me awhile to get things under control. All in all things are going good. I went to church for Christmas Eve service. It was nice being able to see everyone. It's amazing how some of them have grown up. It's been a really long time since I have been to my church. Well I think that is all for now.

Moving!

I am so happy. I just found out that the apartment that Jason and I were looking at is ours. It's in West Chester. It's pretty nice! I can't wait. It has a tanning bed-free. 24 hour fitness center, pool table at the club house plus a beer tap which Jason loves. Nice big closets. Nice big kitchen. And a dish washer! I can't wait. We get to move soon. I can't wait!

My hero..

I think that I am ok. I know this sounds strange. But last night I was laying in bed and the look that Jason gave me was undescribeable. There was so much said with out any words. He takes care of me. God knows I need it. He got me this little cute wooden jewelry dresser like thing. I've always wanted one. He came home with it last night and I thought that I was going to start crying. It was so pretty. He always makes sure that I'm happy. he holds me when I need it. He even watches the love and romantic mushy movies I like. He works on my car. He does what he can to help me. He's not perfect. Neither am I. He even wants to drive up to Dayton on xmas to see me with my family. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that because honestly i have never been with a guy who has ever wanted to meet my family. I guess they have always looked at me and thought if I'm this messed up imagine what my family could be like and they refuse to see them or even try to get to know them. I am very happy. The only thing that I am struggling with right now is the balance between him and my friends. I have to keep my friend in my life. I'm not about to throw them to the side. I need them in my life and I need their support. I'm not use to living with a guy. This is so new for me. But I can manage. Yeah he doesn't like to clean, or do dishes, or do laundry, or cook, or any of that.... but I don't mind doing it. He loves my chinchilla. That makes me happy. He always talks to her when he walks by her cage. He interacts with my bird. No one in the past ever did that. They could care less about them.
We were at the pet store the other day and I saw a macaw. I really wanted when I first started working them and that dream of owning something so beautiful and unique came back to me. I couldn't walk away. I love those birds. I told Jason and he didn't dismiss it. He knows I want one. Maybe one day. Oh well. I do miss my internet, and the land line. But it's okay. I can check my mail and stuff when I'm near the library. I can use his phone since he has unlimited minutes and such. Things are okay. I will survive if I stay positive, that's the key. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes its very hard. But I know in my heart that things will get better. It may be hard for a while but that's life. I know that things could be worse. I know. And they may get worse before they get better. As Jason always says it won't happen over night. Do I love him? I don't know. Could I ever love him? Yes. He may not be the one. I don't know. He get along more than I ever thought that we would. I may have lost a friend in the process but maybe she wasn't my friend to begin with. I don't know. I may never know. Okay..this is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I have some job hunting to do....

So....an update

Well, I moved in with Jason. Things are going good. Very small apartment for two people and the amount of the stuff that we have. Right now we are going off his income because I am getting screwed over at work with hours. It sucks. Plus, some one got ahold of my visa check card number and tried to send money through western union. It was refused thank god. The total amount of all the orders is like over 5,000 bucks. So I have no check card right now. I have to wait for a new one. Yay me. Everything is going good. I miss my internet. Oh well.