Going on 28 weeks....

So in a day I’ll be 28 weeks along. I only have about 85 days to go as of now. It’s very exciting. She’s really starting to kick up a storm. She doesn’t do it all the time thank god. But it feels good in a way when she does. I have my next ultra sound this coming Monday. I’m so excited because I don’t have to go by myself this time. Jason will get to go and see what it’s like to see her move on the screen. I want him to be able to see it. It’s worth it. I never thought seeing something like would bring as much joy as it did. Just hearing the heart beat is enough to bring tears to my eyes. It’s exciting.

My belly is getting a bit bigger. I’m starting to show under my sweatshirts now. I’m still in my first pair of maternity jeans. They’re getting tight, but I can still wear them. I thought in the beginning that I was going to be spending a lot of money of new clothes for me, but I haven’t so far. A pair of work pants from the goodwill for a few bucks that still fit perfectly and a pair of clearance jeans from motherhood maternity for 12.99 when they were normally 54.99 I think is really good. It kinda surprises me that I haven’t spent more.

Right now the only problem that I have is that I’m having back pains. Yes I know that you get back pains when you get pregnant and I know they get bad in the last few months. But, these pains really aren’t from my pregnancy. I’ve had them for almost 10 years. But they can’t find out what exactly is causing it. It’s only on one side of my back. It’s something to do with my tail bone. I can’t wait to get my spine relined back to where it needs to be...but I can’t do that while I’m pregnant... I have to lay on my tummy and have a lot of pressure and weight put on my back...

I’m a little relieved because I found out that financially I am eligible for WIC. I have an appointment in May... that was the first open one they have... It took me forever to find the number.. apparently they moved from the hospital in Middletown to the health clinic. So it was listed at the hospital which confused me a bit but I got it. They were really nice on the phone. That was a huge relief. So all I have to do now is get enrolled in the day care program. I know that when it comes to the clothes and supplies I have my family which my grandma has done a great job with that already. So I know she will be well looked after. Even Jason’s mom with her discount at Walmart and mine at work will help.

But that’s it for now!

Birthdayness....

So we pretty much finished the basement. It looks so good down there, it’s more inviting. It’s nice to see all the tools all together and organized. It looks great. I finished painting my table. It looks pretty good for an old beat up table. Jason put some shiny stuff on it to protect it.

We went to visit grandma yesterday and she took us out to lunch for Jason’s birthday. She got him a few nice shirts... since none exist really in his wardrobe.. We got to raid the pantry like usual since she stocks up like the world is going to end... Oh I love her... We got to raid the shed and take some tools that she can no longer use due to arthritis or no longer needs them. We got some more baby stuff. She gave me the new diaper bag that she got and it’s pretty neat for camping or longer car rides... the whole bag is very well insulated which will keep the bottles cooler longer. A 75 dollar bag that she got for 15 bucks just for donating the money to some charity group. I also got my pack and play that my aunt left for me. Nothing fancy but perfect for camping and travel. I can’t wait until my other aunt comes home... one I get to see her... two she has a trunk full of goodies for the baby... clothes, bath and body stuff.... mass diapers...

Well, I need to hop in the shower...I have to work today. It was great having the weekend off to spend at home and do things with Jason. I’m really going to get bored this week now that I’m on my spring break from school. I might be doing some painting... haha...

It’s come to my attention....

It’s come to my attention that I’m better off than I thought I was. I now realize that there are many many little things in my life that I may take for granite. I have true friends and I know who those true friends are. I may not be the perfect friend myself, but I try. I try to be there for those who may need some one to talk to or vent to. I try to be one who understands. I then get into these binds where, I feel like I’m being over looked, or I’m not getting the same treatment back... and I bitch about it and complain. And after I’ve been a bitch and I’ve done my moping for awhile, I realize that I get my fair share of it every day. It’s all around me. I may not notice it, but it’s there. I’m cared for in maybe different ways than I expected. But I’m cared for. Thats all that matters.

I guess that I’ve thought it had to be something big. But I think the little things mean more to me now, than they ever have. I’m usually a happy person. I’ve come to learn over the past few years that you can’t give happiness to some one... you create it for yourself and the environment that your in also. It’s a mental thing. I have to be happy with myself in order to enjoy some one else’s happiness truly.

I’ve said it before, I don’t regret my past. I think that my past has made me into the person who I am currently and the lessons that I have learned I think help me comprehend things today. I may not be that old, I might not have traveled all over the world but I have had my fair share of things both negative and positive happen to me. Some things I wish didn’t happen... but it made me stronger in ways that nothing else could. We all grow up differently, but in a way the same way. We all grow up to be adults.. thats the same for every one. We can’t be little for ever. We all have different family situations. But we all come from a family.

My goal in life when it comes to my daughter and future children is to provide them with a family who cares about them. I want them to know that we may not be perfect but they are loved. That doesn’t mean that they will be spoiled and rotten. They will have to earn things just like every one else on this earth should have to earn things. I don’t ever want my child to think that I don’t care enough or that I did things to cause harm to them later in life. My child deserves to have a father who cares about her and loves her. I grew up with out a father for most of my teen and adult life and it’s very hard. I want my child to respect her father and she should. It’s harder for females some times to grow up with out a father than males. I’m not sure how males cope with it but I didn’t cope very well.

When our child is born, she’ll be the 5th generation alive in my family. Thats something big for us. Yeah we’re all females.... but still. It is very sad for me to think that the man who raised me as his own daughter (my grandfather) won’t be here to see my child. My views as a Christian have for sure changed over the years. I’ve drifted apart from the church and I have my own thoughts and beliefs. I do think that our loved ones who we have lost are aware of what is going on with us. I believe we go somewhere but, I’m just not sure where.

I know my boo boo cares for me as I care for him. He may show it differently than I was expecting, but he cares. He has his own version of the little things that he does. But one thing that caught my attention and made me feel bad for every negative thing that I have ever said to him was something that he did today. It was more what he said in I guess I would say my defense and our defense as a couple that really took my breath away. I couldn’t really say much about it, only because no one has ever "stood" up on my part and said some thing like that. I’m used to holding my own. It was nice to know that he would do it. I’ve never doubted that he would, I just never thought that he would ever have to.

So it’s come to my attention that the things that I may nit pick over and make a big deal about, aren’t really that big when compared to everything else that matters. It makes me feel good to know that the child inside of me, was created by some one with a true heart and a good soul. He may be hard and cold sometimes, but that hard and coldness sure means alot to me. And when he’s soft and kind he takes me breath away, he’s like an angel in disguise.

27 weeks...

So, I'm at my 27 week mark. I found out yesterday that my iron count is very low. Which would explain the reason why I've been feeling the way that I have been feeling lately... I should have recognized the signs of the anemia earlier only because I've been through it before but they say you don't see it in pregnancy until it all catches up to ya. I would assume so only because the farther into the pregnancy the more she demands from my body. It's very hard for me or any one in my family to take the iron supplements because it makes us very sick. So, we went to the store last night and got some foods that have iron in them and also got some supplements that were a little lower and I will try mixing them in my food. I tried it last night and so far this morning I haven't felt sick. I'm hoping that it works. I feel a little more "all here".I was getting to the point where it was hard to concentrate on things and I could feel myself repeating or not making sense. I have been super tired too. I feel a little better. I also slept all the way through the night too. I know it's just one dose and it doesn't do much but maybe mentally I want it to so it seems like something... I don't know. It'll be all good though.