A change in color

Posted Date: : Sep 28, 2006 9:46 AM

So, I decided at the last minute last night to change my hair color. I was at Krogers with Val Val and we sat there for awhile looking at all the colors and we decided that we would do the opposite. She has black and she decided to go lighter, which is what I was, and I decided to go darker which is what she is. I went dark reddish. I like it. There are some streaks of blonde though that you can see but I think it's kinda cool. Val Val tried to go blonde. But she has black hair, and only her roots got lighter but I like it. It's different and she's different. I've never gone to an extreme color like this at once. I like it though and I like the fact that I could do something like this. Yes it's only hair color, but it's the point behind the hair color. I used to be able to make crazy decisions and have fun. Now I have to think like crazy to do anything. And it's gets in the way of having fun sometimes I think. I dunno. Crazy stuff.

My weekend...

I had a great weekend...first off I think I broke my toe...friday was pretty borring...Saturday I went out with my friend Val Val and Jason. We were going to go a haunted House but it was to late. So we just ended up driving around in circles....went back to his apartmend and watched the end of some stupid King movie where semi-trucks were posessed and had a mind of their own...Got what seemed like 2 hours of sleep and got up early for Church which I had a hard time fighting going to sleep. Then the fun stuff... We went to Renz Fest...Which was very fun. I got to see all kinds of different outfits...which was nice because it gave me some ideas for what I would like to do next year for a outfit. I got to see cool stuff and some really fun shows. I had fun. I got to meet some of the people that Val worked with which was pretty cool. Then we went out to dinner with a few of them. It was fun.

Goodbye

I feel the room
I feel the air
I feel myself getting heavy
I feel the looks
I feel the gasps

I know nothing
But I know everything
I see your gaze
I feel your anger
I feel your pain

Words unspoken
Touches un touched
Us no more
The pain still hurts
The memories won't fade

I simply want
what doesn't exist

I want more
for you to vanish

Take your lies
Take your promises
Take your arms that made me safe once
Take your charm

Go back to her
You crave her
Like you once craved me

Little does she know
what's in store for her
The pain
The lies
The hurtful path you leave behind

Theres no room in my heart
It's slowly pushed you out
What we once had
Was nothing more
Than nothing.

Goodbye



I feel better. The feelings will always be there. The thoughts of something fun that we once had will always be there. There is no turning back in time. I regret nothing that has happened. You had your chance and you blew it. I was nothing more than a simple friend and you broke my heart and danced for joy in the spot light that my heart shown down upon you. Others may be fooled but I am not. I once was blind to your act, I've removed the mask and now I see the encore is not what I had in mind. No I will not ask for my money back. For we all have different tastes. I must say for future reference I must stay away from your kind. For it makes me feel ill and sick to my stomach. We can chose who we like, but we can not chose who likes us. The things we say and the things that we do impact more than just ourselves. One day we may wake up and find ourselves alone wondering what it was that we did to end the way that it does.

Survival Techniques...

Okay this is really goofy but I started doing some of these things on this list and yeah it actually helps me when I am frustrated or sad or whatever....

If you feel angry....
Take a warm 15 minute rose scented bath
Put on a pretty night gown or your pjs that are pink
Color three pages in a coloring book with fonly blue and green
Write out exactly what you are feeling in your journal with a blue pen
Put pretty pink sheets on your bed and curl up with your teddy bear.

Now the purpose of the colors is the pink reminds us of rose. Rose makes us happy and calms us. The specific colors in the book are to get our mind to focus

If your feeling sad.....
Take a lavender bath
Put on your best outfit
Have a hershey kiss or two but no more than 4
Color in your coloring book with any color 3 pages only.
After you color write in your journal
talk to your baby pictures


If you feel confused....
Take a peppermint bath
Eat a peppermint
Put on a white night gown or pjs
Polish yourt toenails
Comb Barbies hair and change her hair
Color 3 pages in your coloring book
Write in your journal exactly how you feel...

If you feel frightened....
Take a rose or lavender bath
have a peppermint candy
Put on your white pjs
paint your finger nails and your toenails
Talk to your baby pictures
Talk to your tree (if you a place outside that you like to be go there)
Color 5 pages in your coloring book with as much pink as you can.

If you feel loney....
Take a rose bath
put on your pink pjs
have three kisses
write a letter to yourself in your journal with a purple pen explaining why you feel the way that you feel
Read the letter to your teddy bear
do ten jumping jacks
color three pages in your coloring book.

Dear life...
Take away all the things inside of me that make me feel bad. Create in me a clean heart...
Give me a spirit of happiness.

Thank you.

Why?

Where are you going?
Please come back to me.
What did I do to deserve this?
Everyone does it...
I should be use to it by now
I can't stop thinking
How different things could be
If only we had tried
If only those words hadn't been spoken
I feel dark and tired on the inside
I wanna lay down and go to sleep
I can't though
for if I do...
I'll only dream of you
It can't be
Tell me it's not true
Please, I beg of you
Let me be
Set me free for once
Let me fly high above the sky
In the clouds I ponder
Why?
Will it ever end?
Will this ride ever come to a stop?
How far can we go?
Please I beg of you
Please just let it end.

Drifting away.........

My love grew stronger
each and every day,
but you only said no
in the nicest possible way
"I like her but.."
make me think I have a chance
calling me, holding me,
even asking me to dance.
Why do you do this to me?
Hurt me, with his game?
Trying to be sweet, but,
in the end only causing pain
Do you know what you do?
Make me cry in my sleep?
That look you give me
makes my heart miss a beat.
I give up, you know
I'm not a play thing
not a possession to be bought
like a shiny diamond ring.
Try to say you didn't mean it,
Always meant to be true,
I'm done with this game
Guess what, I'm through.
Sick of the times, alone
wanting to hear your voice
stuck inside, by the phone,
To find out your with her.
I thought she was my friend
honest true, you know
Best friends till the end.
This only proves me right
I cant stand to feel it,
I'm falling out of love
candel burned out no longer lit
The pain you caused me
has no name, I say.
It hurts, when I look at you,
So i know, I'm driting away..
for sure...

us.

I always wanted more from you
than you were willing to give;
So now we've gone our separate ways
each with different lives to live.

The bond will always be there
the friendship always intact;
But the time for us has come and gone
and the pages of time, you can't turn back.

I will always be a friend to you
and wonder how you are;
The smiles and laughter I will remember
and our fights have become painless scars.

Sometimes on those busy days
when you've a thousand things to do;
Please let me glide slowly through your mind
and spend some time with you.

In that quiet moment
when you're surprised to find me there;
Just remember even with the distance between us
I am still someone who cares.

My eyes are now open..

It's 11:36. I have to be at work at 8am. Today was okay. That was till I went into work for my second part of my split shift. I was nice enough to offer myself for a split shift and come back in the evening and help straighten the store. We have a manager who is helping us out until we got a new one to fill in for Rob. She isn't that nice or friendly. At least to me. I came in and did what I was told to do and I straightened the whole store. She apparently had a problem with the way that I did my cat cans. Instead of comming to me and telling me about it, she went to at least 3 other people and apparently she was pissed and didn't like the way that I did it. I've been there for almost 3 years. Thats the way that I was taught to do it and not a single manager has ever had a complaint about the way that I was taught. That made me highly upset. I went to her in front of Rick and basically told her that she needed to come to me and tell me that she had a problem with me not every one else in the store. She got all quiet and couldn't say anything to me in front of him. But as I was leaving when Rick wasn't there she tried to start stuff. I was told by Rick's boss that if a manager tries to confront you or pick a fight with you on the floor in front of other associates I have every right to walk away and let the situation calm down. I didn't have anything to say to her. I had said what I wanted to say and the fact that she had been looking for me and had walked right past me and didn't say anything to me makes me even more mad. As I was leaving the store she wanted to confront me on who knows what and I looked at her and I said I'm clocked out and I don't have to talk to you. She was like fine see if I ever come to you. I turned and kept on walking. What really gets me is that my co-workers can't even give me a little support on what happened. If it was them, I would give them 110% support. But because it's me and I apparently have a way with people, I'm treated like it's my fault. I did nothing to her, and even if I had she is still a manager and she has no right as a manager to discuss another associates performance to other associates. All she had to say was that she was looking for me which she told me that she had said that but if she had said that then how would the other associates know that she wasn't happy wity my straightning? They wouldn't. Which is my point exactly.

Oh boy

Well my birthday was Friday. Friday was awesome. First off, the dog got lose at 8 in the morning and then I got lost looking for her in some complex where all the streets are named the same. Then, after the dog was finally found I had to take a girl that I live with to go get her truck. Well, almost there I ran into some one and re-shaped there rear bumper. I got a 90 dollar ticket. And that was just peachy. Later I ended up going out with my friends and a manager that I work with and I got smashed. I ended up having to be carried into the house because I couldn't walk. I had so much fun. Val and I ended up admitting so much stuff that night to our manager it wasn't funny. Talk about awkward. I can't wait to do it again!

I love you Val!!!!