uh...

It's nearly 3 in the morning. I've tried to sleep at least 4 times already and I have gotten no where. I let my mind start to drift and it starts to go places that it shouldn't be going. There are certain people that I have to make the choice if I want in my life or not. I'm thinking I don't want in my life. When I say in my life I mean on my part. I already know that they want nothing to do with my life and with me. I have to make the choice to let them go. One I already have. The other I don't know about. I keep thinking about both of them though. They both at one point wanted me in their lives. Now I'm not sure. Well I"m sure about the one. I'm so much better off with out him. I don't need him and his lies and his drama and his immaturity. The other one may be to mature for me still. It's been so long since I have seen him, seeing him once made me realize that I still love him. He was so good to me. So was his family. I miss his family and the fun that I had. Soon I'm going to be very busy with things I'm not going to have the time to think about them. Hopefully. I'm doing so well now. I've moved on from the other one and seeing him today did nothing for me. It reminded me how much I don't need nor want him in my life. He caused me so much pain and anger at the same time. I'm better than that. I'm happy with out him. I'm going to move on and go to school and do things with my life. He can be the one to work himself to death and get no where. He is the one with the anger issues and trust problems. Not me. I never needed him like I thought that I did. Once he walked away I thought that I would never get over him. Now I wished that he had walked away sooner. Actually I wish that I had never met him. I wish that I had never given him my phone number and never went out with or hooked up him at all. I wish that I had let him walk in to some one else's life and screw them up emotionaly. Why did it have to be me? Well I'll be damn if I let him ever do it to me again. I deserve so much better than him. I want some one who will take the time to listen to my needs damn it. I'm sick and tired of being there for everyone else when no one will be there for me. Well for the people who take advantage of the people like me who will listen to you complain and bitch about your problems for hours and take the yelling that you give in return and the mean words and lack of I'm sorry that I made you cry for the 2 week in a row- screw you. I hope your happy with where you are. I'm tired of helping others. I'm putting myself first for once. I'm taking care of my needs and my needs only right now. I have my goals and my dreams and damn it they are going to come true and I will accomplish them. I can do it with or with out you. I don't need your heavy bagagge weighing me down. Go put it on some one else. I don't want it anymore.