Bored and feelin gross

So I went to my freinds 21st birthday party ast night and it was awesome. We went swimming and ate and drank and my little group that I know through Brooke ended up in the hot tub for awhile before we left. I don't know what happened to my tummy but I only drank one beer because I had to drive home and I had to take some one else home so I oppted to stay sober. But by the time I got home last night or I hsould say early this morning I felt so gross and my tummy hurt so bad I ended up actually getting sick. I haven't gotten sick like that in a long time. Kinda sucked. I'm still feeling a little sick but much better! My grooming manager said that I could have my 21st birthday party at her house actually I told her tht she should let me have it there cuz they have a pool and a hot tub and stuff too. She said ok lol. I cant wait till I turn 21. Only because alot of people I know go out for drinks to nice places and always ask me and I can't cuz I'm only 20...

small update

Well things are going good. I spent the day with Valarie on Sunday. We went shopping and swimming. We had a store meeting that night which was pretty interesting. Then we went out afterwards to Fridays. Had a blast with everyone. One of my managers ordered drinks for me since I don't turn 21 till next month. It was a good time. I've been having a goot time this week. Things are going good. I went to Tina's house last night and chilled for several hours. I'm pretty excited for Saturday night. Tina and I are going to another friends house for her 21st birthday party. We haven't seen her for awhile. I had lunch with my grandma and my aunt and cousins today. Very frustrating sometimes they can be. I guess they haven't come to terms that I have my own life now. I go out and do things and have fun. I'm still excited with the idea of going back to school. I can't wait. It'll give me something to do in between working and being at home. I'm excited to get my new computer. Anyways just a small update on stuff.

uh...

It's nearly 3 in the morning. I've tried to sleep at least 4 times already and I have gotten no where. I let my mind start to drift and it starts to go places that it shouldn't be going. There are certain people that I have to make the choice if I want in my life or not. I'm thinking I don't want in my life. When I say in my life I mean on my part. I already know that they want nothing to do with my life and with me. I have to make the choice to let them go. One I already have. The other I don't know about. I keep thinking about both of them though. They both at one point wanted me in their lives. Now I'm not sure. Well I"m sure about the one. I'm so much better off with out him. I don't need him and his lies and his drama and his immaturity. The other one may be to mature for me still. It's been so long since I have seen him, seeing him once made me realize that I still love him. He was so good to me. So was his family. I miss his family and the fun that I had. Soon I'm going to be very busy with things I'm not going to have the time to think about them. Hopefully. I'm doing so well now. I've moved on from the other one and seeing him today did nothing for me. It reminded me how much I don't need nor want him in my life. He caused me so much pain and anger at the same time. I'm better than that. I'm happy with out him. I'm going to move on and go to school and do things with my life. He can be the one to work himself to death and get no where. He is the one with the anger issues and trust problems. Not me. I never needed him like I thought that I did. Once he walked away I thought that I would never get over him. Now I wished that he had walked away sooner. Actually I wish that I had never met him. I wish that I had never given him my phone number and never went out with or hooked up him at all. I wish that I had let him walk in to some one else's life and screw them up emotionaly. Why did it have to be me? Well I'll be damn if I let him ever do it to me again. I deserve so much better than him. I want some one who will take the time to listen to my needs damn it. I'm sick and tired of being there for everyone else when no one will be there for me. Well for the people who take advantage of the people like me who will listen to you complain and bitch about your problems for hours and take the yelling that you give in return and the mean words and lack of I'm sorry that I made you cry for the 2 week in a row- screw you. I hope your happy with where you are. I'm tired of helping others. I'm putting myself first for once. I'm taking care of my needs and my needs only right now. I have my goals and my dreams and damn it they are going to come true and I will accomplish them. I can do it with or with out you. I don't need your heavy bagagge weighing me down. Go put it on some one else. I don't want it anymore.