I've lived most of my life with the frame of mind that we should never have regrets. I've always fully believed that we learn from our past mistakes, and decisions. I've always wondered why we should regret things that we can't change. Why dwell on the things that have put us where we are today. I'm not exactly getting any younger. I've still got some living to do and with that comes learning. Growing and maturing are two parts of getting older. But I think they're optional. Not everyone can mature easily. Not everyone wants too, let's be honest. Do we ever know who we really are?
I can regret things. I can regret eating that doughnut this morning instead of something healthy. I can regret not going for a walk last night while it was cool outside. I can regret all kinds of things like that. No biggie. But what about the bigger things? What about moving when I did? What about taking that job instead of looking for another one I liked more? Well, if I hadn't moved when I did then I might be in another town. I might be in another state for all I know. I don't know. I don't know who I would have met if I taken a different job. Those are the what ifs that will never be answered. I'm not sure I would even want to know. What if I had never gotten sick, what if my birth control had actually worked? Would I still have my April but at another time? Would I ever want to even risk it not happening if I could go back? What does this even mean? I mean seriously what if I end up loosing my memory at 75, then I mean who really cares what I did and what I regret?
Do I love my life? Hell if I know anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. I love my daughter. That's an easy one. Do I love my life though? I don't like a lot of things in it. I have a job. I make some money. I have a roof over my head. I have food to eat. Is that all we need? Nope. I don't think so. What about the comforts? What about the happiness and the smiles, the laughs and the warmness? Is that a necessity? Or is that a privilege? No one owes us anything that's for sure. So why do we deserve that?
There are a lot of things in this world that I don't agree with. Of course the long drawn out and almost pointless war now. But what choice do I have? I wake up every day. I wake up to a government that makes choices for us. That's a whole other topic that I don't really even wanna go into.
